The Soup Monster

Chapter 1: The origin

No one enters a church soup contest thinking that they will create a monster...and to anyone's knowledge it's never happened.  The more likely thing to happen is that whoever makes the soup fails at it and has to throw away the soup in one of several manners.  You can put it in a bag and put it in the garbage.  If you have a goat or dog, you could feed the bad soup to it.  The other solution is to treat the soup like vomit and put it in your toilet and flush it.  Where it goes from there it doesn't really matter to the person flushing it...because before the flush its there and after its gone.

Jessica went with the latter solution for disposing of the soup.  And it was nasty too.  What happened is that she did not time any of the ingredients right.  The split peas, pasta, lentils, and broth were all put together...and mainly it was because they were given to her in a jar a very long time ago and the jar had sat on a shelf for a couple of years till tonight when the concoction was tried.  A soup cook would know that if you put the ingredients together without timing each piece, it just won't turn out right.  In this case, the pasta overcooked and become mushy and yucky.  Here's what it looked like...

"Crap!", yelled Jessica.  "It's 11 o'clock and the contest is tomorrow!  Perhaps I can save this soup."

So Jessica texted her friend Joel (who liked to cook) and she showed a picture of the soup to him and immediately he gave the picture a laughing emoji and texted... "Jessica...this soup is dead.  It looks dreadful."  To which Jessica replied, "But Joel, maybe I can save it...maybe I can puree it..." and Joel cut her off and said "Jessica...no...seriously...don't try to fix it or serve it"...and then he thought of asking if she had a dog or goat to feed it to, but didn't say it out of respect.  "But Joel...I can save it..."

"Jessica, let me help you out...Time of death 9:41 pm (Joel used the time of death method because he knew Jessica was a nurse and would relate to that)...this soup patient can't be saved Jessica...just let it go."  After hearing this, Jessica relented and asked for advice on how to dispose of said soup, to which Joel gave her the ideas mentioned at the beginning of this story (less the one about the dog and goat feeding out of respect) to which Jessica decided on the toilet flushing solution to dispose of it.

 Chapter 2:  The Transformation and Growth

Jessica really isn't part of the story any longer, however it is ironic to note that Jessica actually wound up winning the church soup contest the next day and Jessica and Joel wound up joking that it was at the expense of the monster they had unleashed into the sewer system.  Little did they realize that this soup would, instead of separating into the sewer water and dissipating would actually keep its form (mainly because of the mushy pasta) and it would come in contact with strange chemicals that were dumped illegally into the sewer system by a local chemical plant.  The chemicals, as you may have guessed, had a strange effect on the mass of soup...first by increasing it in size and finally granting it a form of sentience and a simple brain which could only think of two things to do...Destroy and Humiliate...instead of Exterminate...which we all know Daleks do, or even Assimilate which the Borg do.  It must be noted too that the directives 'Destroy' and 'Humiliate' did not include the taking of any life whatsoever.  For some reason, the blob of soup recognized that it itself was a life and the idea of taking someone else's life...even of a bird or ant...was something it was averse to.  

By the time it started its journey from the little town of Baraboo till it got to Milwaukee, it had grown to a large enough size to be intimidating (i.e. of a very tall and mean looking lumberjack), had developed the ability to hear sounds, to make audible sounds out of a dark hole looking mouth, to 'see' out of red glowing eyes, and it could, in addition to the blobby soup form it started out as, could resemble something almost humanoid in nature...which later scientists agreed must have had something to do with humanoid looking turtles and rats that were rumored to be living in the sewer system and that were associated with pizza disappearances from disgruntled delivery drivers.

Chapter 3:  The Landing and the Destruction

In an area of town called Metro Market there are a couple well known soup shops and a sewer grate on the street in front of them.  As people went about their usual days, driving their cars past the market, parking so they could go inside to get their day's lunch, putting their letters in the postbox that they had prepared for sending that morning...a rumble was felt that was a bit unusual for that time of day...especially since the skies were so clear and the birds flying past seemed content.

Then, a louder rumble was heard and a loud sloshing sound.  No one knew where the sound was coming from really...but it sounded like it was coming from the street by the manhole.  Without warning there was a loud metal clanging sound as the manhole cover in front of the soup shops blew off and flew off with so much force that it went 20 feet into the air before is crashed onto an oncoming car that braked immediately once the sewer grate hit its windshield.  For a moment, the driver was stunned, but then stepped out of the car to see what had happened.  After he did he saw the black sewer hole and felt and smelled a strange wind going in and out of the hole (almost as if it was breathing).  This entire event stopped the traffic going both ways past the soup shops as all wondered about the breathing sewer hole. 

A loud 'RAWWWWWWWWRRRRR' was then heard and what looked like a giant man-shaped piece of oozing vomit (no one knew it was soup at the time) red eyes, and dark hole for a mouth creature showed itself and bursted from the sewer hole.  Feet that it could walk on then formed beneath its massive body and it took one look at the car and the post box and yelled 'DESTROOOOOYYYYY!', spewing what people thought was a brown and orange nasty looking acid (they didn't know it was actually acid soup) towards the card and the postbox which were soon melted and destroyed.

"My letter to grandma!"  a child with his mother yelled.  "My electric bill and check!"  The mother yelled...before they both ran off.

The driver of the car that had the sewer grate hit also ran off screaming, not wanting to be melted by acid either.

At this point it will be helpful to remind the reader again that no one thought the Soup Monster was 1) made of soup and 2) had any respect for life whatsoever.  Most of the people running in the street mainly feared for their lives instead of their property and were content to think badly about the poor soup monster and care only about getting themselves away as they ran towards safety.

After destroying the car and postbox...there was a silence in the street in front of the soup shops.  Any patrons that had waited around had already ran away.  People also either left their cars and ran off or turned around and drove off as best they could down other ways.  The soup monster then looked at the soup shops hungrily.  A bird landed on its should and tweeted...only to hop off and fly away after the Soup monster started moving towards the soup shop called Soup Sisters.

Chapter 4:  The Deep Humiliation

Instead of opening the door nicely, like someone polite, the Soup Monster crashed through the doors of Soup Sisters Soup Company, ripping the doors off their hinges, and sending glass scattering across the floor.  This startled three business people (two women and a man) who had been waiting in line to get their soup and who were still somewhat in shock from the commotion they had heard and seen out in the street through the window.  The attendant, on seeing the vomit looking monster with red eyes and a dark hole for a mouth had seen the monster destroy a car outside and the postbox and, not wanting to take any chances of losing his life, ducked behind the counter.   The Soup Monster then looked at the three business people and made what looked like a grin.

Before I say what happened next, I want to describe the dress of the two women and a man. The man had on a light gray suit with a criss/cross patterned tie...purple in color...the lines varying shades of pink and purple.  Out of his breast pocket there was a purple paisley patterned handkerchief and it was obvious this was meant for looks and not for use.  He also had very nicely shined black shoes, a thin brown leather belt, and well kempt brown hair parted neatly and crisply to one side.

One woman was dressed in a light tan pant suit with a long sleeve white shirt underneath.  She also had a matching colored belt that was made of a darker tan leather and thin.  She had professional looking stiletto heels, white and tan to match her ensemble and her perfect blond hair hung down to her shoulders parted and neat.

The second woman a form fitting black skirt whose length ended right before her knees.  Her legs were bare down to a set of slightly raised platform shoes that had white soles and had a clear plastic front.  Her skin was more auburn compared to the other two and she wore a light long sleeve white shirt which was speckled evenly with black polka dots.  Her hair was longer than the blond woman's, it was a dark brown, also parted, but very straight and hung down to just above her elbows.  She also had on dagger-like earrings that appeared to be able to stab her in the neck if she turned her head the wrong way.

You might ask at this point why it is the Soup Monster was grinning.  If you recall from the beginning of the story, it created in its very rudimentary brain two directives (besides eating of course), destroy and humiliate.  Upon seeing the business people in their nice business attire, waiting in line for their fancy soup, the Soup Monster saw an opportunity.

"RRRRRRR.....", it started.  "HUUUUUMMMMMIIIILLLIIIAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEE!!!!"

Before it happened, the three business people were blasted with a foul smelling breath.  Then gallons and gallons of rotten smelling soup was spewed onto each of the frightened victims.  Because of the force of the soup gush, each were thrown to the ground onto the backs.  The stilleto of the blond woman made a very audible CRACK.  The Soup Monster then moved closer to them, slowly walking on his 'feet', till he stood above them...continuing to spew the foul soup.  When the soup monster was done, the three people stayed still...wondering and acting as if they were dead...and the Soup Monster just stood over them breathing for a moment.  It then noticed the attendant who had been hiding behind the counter rush through some double doors.  When the doors opened...the smell of fancy soup reached the Soup Monster's very basically developed olfactory system and it couldn't resist moving in that direction, which it did.

The poor business people were covered in soup and smelled horrible.  When the soup monster was finally out of sight they were saying to themselves...

"How can I go to work like this?"

"My pant suit is ruined!"

"What the heck was that thing?  I'm calling the cops!"

Chapter 5:  Growth and More Humiliation

Clanging, shuffling, and running could be heard from the kitchen before the Soup Monster broke through the swinging doors to the kitchen.

"Run!  Let's get out of there!", the attendant had yelled, prompting several of the chefs to run out the back.

"RRAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!"  it bellowed as it entered the main kitchen.  To either side of the aisle where the monster stood, it could see boiling pots of soup.  It could smell Lobster Bisque, and Wisconsin cheese, Italian Wedding, and Minestrone.  There was also a Manhattan Clam Chowder which was the soup of the day.  At the end of the aisle, as if guarding the soups was a chef dressed in white pants, a white apron and white shirt with a tall white hat.  In one hand he had a ladle and the other a knife.  He stared angrily at what he thought was a vomit monster and yelled in a confrontational voice with a slight french accent... "HOW DARE YOU ENTIR MY KEETCHEN AND THREAT..EN MY SOUPS!  YOU MUST LEAVE NOW OR FACE MY WRATH YOU FOUL CREECHER!"

To which the Soup Monster stared at the cook not knowing what to do at first.  In this pause, the kitchen cat Moxy, an orange tabby that roamed the kitchen freely and someone went out to greet the guests in the lobby came up and rubbed itself against the Soup Monster's leg and then scurried off.

The Chef gave the cat an odd look and then proceeded to throw the ladle and knife at the soup monster.  The ladle bounced off the monster and the knife went it, but soon popped out with no effect, clanging onto the floor.

The Chef's mouth opened in shock.  The creature then yelled "HUUUUMMMMILLLIATTTEEEEE!!!!" and spewed a foul smelling liquid towards the Chef, who, with quick reflexes had grabbed a giant soup lid and used it to shield his face and upper body.  The force though was strong enough to knock the chef back and onto the floor.  The chef then decided that this monster was too much for him and ran towards the back door and quickly made a retreat.  While he lay on the floor though, he had put his finger into the viscous liquid and since it seemed harmless, put his finger into his mouth.  'Aaaahhhh,' he thought.  'Someone overcooked this soup'.  And the chef knew that this was not a vomit monster at all, but a soup monster.  What the chef didn't know, that he would later regret is that the soup monster would eat and absorb all the soups from Soup Sisters Co. and the soup from the neighboring Yogi's Soup Shop (where he'd also humiliate business people and send the chefs running) and grow to almost Kaiju size.

After finishing with Yogi's, sirens were then heard outside.  The Soup Monster could then see bright red and blue lights and heard a loud voice coming from a small horn on someone's mouth.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!  BY ORDER OF THE MILWAUKEE POLICE...WE ORDER YOU TO STAND DOWN!!!"

At this point, because of all the soup and people it humiliated, the Soup Monster was in a lustful mood to destroy and humiliate more...which it did.  It first destroyed the police cars and then spewed now fouler smelling soup (fueled with various flavors it had picked up from the two soup places it had raided).  The soup was also riddled with a wide assortment of chunks and clam pieces which made it especially gross to be at the receiving end of.  The police officers were covered with soup and were thrown to the ground.  They then quickly got up and started firing shots at the soup monster.  Many...many shots.  As with the knife, the bullets went in and popped out causing no harm to the soup monster.  One of the police officer brought out a rocket launcher as well, fired, to the same effect.

All seemed hopeless after this...as the sergeant in charge ordered a retreat.  The soup monster, now the size of a Kaiju, had won the day.