billthekirk musings

I really enjoy the movie Krampus.  There's something about an evil version of Santa exacting vengeance on a world consumed by materialism and greed that I find fascinating.  In thinking about Krampus this year, and about how Thanksgiving could have its own horror and exact vengeance on family members consumed with negativity and rudeness...I created a Krampus in a Thanksgiving turkey...which can be shipped to you online from the evil corporate service Babylon.  I hope you enjoy the story about how this Turkey brought peace to a family plagued by their annoying family members. -KH Thanksgiving is always so busy at our house.    Mom and dad are making the food while my baby brother keeps licking the bowls that I want to lick from yummy desserts that are being made.    Then there’s the cat that keeps jumping onto the table over and over again knocking over things or stealing food after it’s set out.    And it doesn’t matter that I hit it with my...

 I wrote this one I think because I had a love-hate relationship with things in my home growing up.  In many ways, things became something my father used to try and have a bond with me that, sadly was detrimental to me on an emotional level.  I have learned over time that it is relationships with people and with yourself that brings you true happiness.  Things are only things and can only bring joy for a time...but that joy is fleeting. --KH There once was a selfish hermit who never shared And he hoarded things...lots of things...all to himself He had paper clips with no paper to clip to Staples with no stapler to fit into Lampshades which he'd wear on his head instead of putting them on a lamp instead There were half-broken Frisbees and fish bowls without fish Baseballs without mitts There were even bikes without wheels, Shoes without soles And moldy swiss cheese...without holes! And to add to this useless stuff, he had a hole in his heart to refused to be filled up...

I found this in some old notes I had.  It's meant to read as a poem/story.  Forgive me for the cliche-ish rhyming in some parts.  LOL --kh There once lived a baker with a magic spoon That when he waived it and sang a special tune The food he wanted would appear, dance, and serve itself around the room He'd make cookies, cakes and casseroles Juicy pot roasts and delectable stews Pastries and breads Noodles and sauces Soufflés and parfaits And never-ending link sausages All for the royals and guests he'd entertain And he was paid quite handsomely for the foods that he made. However, one  day the food turned on him and said "What thanks do we get for the money you make?" "Besides being consumed and cleaned from a plate?" And they ganged up on the poor baker just trying to make a buck All dripping and oozing with food drippings muck And the baker not sure of what to say, said... "Well...you are served to the finest of the land!  You swim in their bellie...

 Since I enjoy writing and have a Halloween Village each year, I thought it would be fun to write back stories for each building.  I did 3 this year. The Wasteland Pub Today’s menu is Fresh Roadkill, Rat Kabobs, Crispy Tarantula, Lizard Soup, and Roach Stew.   Mmmmm….just like NO ONE’S GRANDMOTHER used to make.   You best pay attention to the Danger:   Fallout Zone sign when you come to the Wasteland Pub.   Toxic waste may be laced in your food…you may be walking over it…or drink it unawares.   The bartender…a beefy looking man with a protective mask can serve you anything from Acid Rain to Toxic Ale…sure to melt your insides into gloop…that could actually be used for someone else’s drink.   Fire streaming from stacks at the top of the pub…and a garbage can fire…make the entrance grotesquely warm and uncomfortable.   Don’t stay too long or you could melt onto the ground leaving bones for passing dogs.   Oops…you just tripped on someone...